tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42816403572569929132024-03-14T09:11:31.764-07:00the [coffee] housebekahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09648168191469472011noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281640357256992913.post-54588091911028247192015-05-01T13:22:00.000-07:002015-05-01T13:22:59.060-07:00what the fluff.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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We're down to like 10 sposies, so today I've been testing out cloth...<br />
Firstly: a size 1 applecheeks pocket/cover that I stuffed with a cotton prefold (cut into the size and shape of an insert) and a hemp-cotton Geffen Baby infant doubler. I didn't tighten the waist/legs enough so we did leak a tiny bit of pee out onto the blanket while nursing & napping.<br />
I really liked the fit though! Sadly, that brand is $20 brand new for the cover only. A lady gave it to me as a freebie when o bought some dipes from her off a swap.<br />
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Second cloth: same layering of inserts, but laid into a Sweet Pea newborn cover. It has double leg gussets. Love the fit!! So far so good...and this time I made it much more snug.<br />
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A green mountain newborn snapped fitted under rumparooz newborn cover. Pretty bulky but should soak up a ton of pee. Lol. And it did.<br />
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Grovia newborn all in one. No inserts or extras...just a cotton hemp blend all in one. :) nice and trim. We'll see how it holds pee for a couple hours... Super trim though, as I said.</div>
bekahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09648168191469472011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281640357256992913.post-72040061316475759182014-10-13T15:59:00.004-07:002014-10-13T16:05:51.966-07:00update: currently growing a little person.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
this will be the 14th puny post on this halfway deserted blog (including drafts that will probably never be read by anyone's eyes but my own).<br />
<br />
yesterday: 17 weeks pregnant.<br />
yep...this is the first post mentioning pregnancy, and the first post in months, period. <br />
that's a little over 4 months, for people who don't count in weeks like the those of us who have to learn how to.<br />
i've been reading posts about the difference between being pregnant and raising your first kid versus life doing those things with your second.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://scontent-b-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/v/t1.0-9/10635776_808275412527618_4770413200686817468_n.jpg?oh=288fc71b656e9ca4830e9b74b427fb96&oe=54C216AE" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://scontent-b-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/v/t1.0-9/10635776_808275412527618_4770413200686817468_n.jpg?oh=288fc71b656e9ca4830e9b74b427fb96&oe=54C216AE" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">in case you wondered, this is how we announced the pregnancy on social media:<br />
A new little Hill, due to arrive in late March 2015:)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
starting about a month ago, i blessedly began noticing that soup --any kind, as long as it wasn't too rich or too spicy-- was always a good idea. my stomach approved of it.<br />
the nearest thing to a craving that i have is the affinity for Campbell's chicken noodle soup heated up for lunch. the pre-prego beka would look askance at my grocery list at the moment. i grew up with most everything homemade. soups, especially, always from scratch. canned soup was gross to me. until now. that chicken noodle soup is my favorite. it's weird to say that about something canned. my wire fruit basket isn't as full of fruit variety as it was last year either.<br />
a pretty constant trial of the second trimester has been being hungry and not having a clue what sounds good.<br />
the trial of the first trimester, besides the obvious prevailing nausea (only cured sliiiightly by staying more hydrated than i've ever been -lemon water- or breathing peppermint essential oil slowly and deeply) for usually the first half of the day, was wanting carbs--pasta, bagels, etc., and hating anything sweet, even fruit. and 3 instances of heartburn --one of which was the morning my latest nephew was born. cajun trail mix is now the devil to me. saying the words out loud still makes me shudder; 4am-12pm heartburn, with nothing to calm it. a hellish morning for the experience of a sweet bebe boy coming into the world.<br />
<br />
<br />
this morning the bebe started moving before i even got out of bed.<br />
i like this part of the second trimester; feeling the little person make its presence known. :)<br />
i started feeling little taps once every day or two right before i turned 15 weeks. it was such a lovely shock, the little movements.<br />
now i feel the bebe every day, a couple times a day. usually when i'm laying down on the couch resting, or in bed in morn or night, and sometimes when i'm sitting up, the wee one will kick against the snug (while sitting indian style) waistband of my yoga pants. <br />
i kinda really love it a lot.<br />
(and i really can't wait till justin can feel the bebe move...statistically speaking, that's possible starting anywhere between 20-24 weeks.)<br />
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<br />
before breakfast, i barely look bloated.<br />
after breakfast, with my stomach full of usually cinnamon-sugared oatmeal and a big mug of coffee, i look decently pregnant.<br />
i wonder when i'll 'pop'. i know for sure there's no going back for my belly button; it's been half popped out for the last month, and now pretty much fully out there. when i wear any lighter-than-black color, you can see it clearly. i've heard some women complain about their belly button popping out; saying it's gross or weird. i've <i>always </i>thought it was a cute byproduct of growing a little human.<br />
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<br />
this morning was one of the best yet (lately, anyhow):<br />
once i woke up, i felt good (normal, even! -gasp-), was hungry and thinking of how good an egg on toast sounded --which is something that has grossed me out for the last 4 months.<br />
i got up before justin (he had a nightshift saturday night and was awake all day sunday afterwards, so monday is always a sleep in day for him) and had the drive to clean the kitchen, make coffee (always!), and cook up a buttery piece of toast with 2 eggs on it.<br />
and...it turned out to be the best thing ever.<br />
justin eventually got up. <br />
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<br />
after a shower, i followed up breakfast with 1.5 mugs of really good -fresh ground- Berres Brothers breakfast blend coffee, which i sipped while watching him play a video game called "watchdogs" that he's trying to beat before the newest assassin's creed comes out. :)<br />
it's been a dreary day, complete with a downpour as i came over to my father-in-law's house (to use wifi and hang out --wifi is expensive out in the country), <i>and</i> a tornado warning for an hour or two while a cold front moved in with the rains and the wind.<br />
we're all safe and sound, and now snow patrol plays on my spotify; a mug of hot cocoa is my current companion.<br />
<br />
sometimes justin catches me staring at him before we go to sleep; wondering who exactly our bebe will take after in all those different ways. personality; nose; eyes; mouth; hair color.<br />
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then i get on my computer and look at old pics i instagrammed out of good ol' baby feverness (with my former, super crappy samsung centura -itty bitty- smartphone), and remember:<br />
oh yah. he was stinkin' adorable when he was itty bitty. who cares what the kiddo looks like.</div>
bekahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09648168191469472011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281640357256992913.post-63615433125148970812014-05-25T16:34:00.001-07:002014-05-25T16:34:30.147-07:00chapters in life.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Sunday, May 25, 2014<br />4:30pm<br /><br />it's a weird feeling that's settled into my subconscious lately.<br />
the first six months, i was focused on our newness and goal of enjoying and learning all we could from the phase of newlywedness and the fact that it was finally just us two, alone, starting life from square one. <br />
<br />the last six months, the utter fear of the next part of life has fallen away. it's still big and unknown and frightening to me...being responsible and losing sleep for small, needy humans that are constantly in my care; never catching a break; all the change that life will go through as we adjust to it all...<br />but i'm more excited and anticipating the challenges than i used to be. <br />it outweighs the fear now.<br />
<br />70% anticipation, 30% wondering, freaking out.<br />
<br />i know life throws wild cards, i feel like we have the beginning of understanding each other and how we work and disagree and cope and process things...in this relationship called marriage.<br />i'm no longer scared that i'll look back and wonder about what it would've been like if we'd gotten to know and experience ourselves, alone, in this life just for a while...to know life before children, before our family was started...so we'd know the difference between the two, and be able to savor the one before, and then step into the new one knowing we'd explored the level of 'game' before.<br />
<br />and hey, i might have this all wrong. i might have all these thoughts backward, and all my friends who are parents are shaking their heads and sighing at my writings. but this is all part of my life, my thoughts, my wonderings. and in time, i'll learn through life and its experiences, and as it always --constantly-- happens to every one of us, <i>my perspective will change</i>. i might read this someday, 2-10 years down the road, and just smile at it all and how different my mindset was. who cares. <br />
<br />i guess i didn't want to just skip ahead.<br />each chapter is important, isn't it?<br />childhood. teenagehood. single young adult-ness. newly married. becoming parents. grandparents. done.<br />i wanted to make sure we enjoyed the heck out of details inside the present moment of newlywedness.<br />
and boy, we have. life was busy and weird and full and boring and exciting growing up and becoming who i am so far today, and wedding planning was enjoyable but there's no denying the relief that comes after the day has been lived through, and everything began and ended well. then, this first year of marriage, getting to know the quirks of living with and communicating in real life with my friend turned boyfriend turned fiance turned ohmyword we're married and sleep together and wake up together and i'm a morning person and you're not and i need my coffee before i can discuss this and let me help you get ready for work, what do you want for lunch.<br />
there are so many sweet, lovely firsts in our first year of marriage; especially because we were long distance from the beginning; 6 hours kind of long distance.<br />
and it's not that the sparkle or sweetness has gone away; it's just that the canvas of life pulls at the soul to explore the meaningful future things that are in any unique heart of each of us. hard things, dreamy things. both things, twisted together, making something so worthwhile you love it more than when you started.<br />
<br />i find myself feeling like life has wound down a little...and it's waiting for us to turn the page to the next chapter. i feel so excited thinking about it. the sense of it being the right time...i like it. it's not the Perfect time...but it feels like we're close to the Right time. by no means is everything perfect and lined up in stellar condition and <i>that's</i> the reason why i feel so at peace. nope.<br />heck, we're about to go on our first anniversary trip this tuesday till saturday, and because of the weekend night shifts that he's going to need to take off regarding our not being home yet, there have been sudden up-croppings of complications from different supervisors and he may not get his extra holiday paycheck for the time off. so we're going to eat and drink a bit more frugally when we're in Portland. but that doesn't stop the ability to enjoy ourselves. it's the knowing we'll be together and exploring a whole new city, a whole new part of the nation we've never been to. i can't wait to experience the west coast.<br />and i can't wait to see what our second year of life together in this marriage brings. </div>
bekahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09648168191469472011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281640357256992913.post-77480724195487662182014-05-02T13:15:00.000-07:002014-05-02T13:18:35.468-07:00the day's only half over.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Dreary day. Coffeecoffeecoffee. Freshly cleaned kitchen. Husband's weekend is drawing to a close before two nightshift twelvers.<br />
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My second day attempting to adjust to falling off cliffs and being eaten by an evil flycatcher dude in Jak + Daxter.<br />
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I tossed the ingredients for chicken garam masala curry into the crockpot, so there's that goodness too. :)<br />
A few chicken breasts, a can of fire-roasted tomatoes, a couple dashes of garam masala and garlic salt, a teaspoon each of minced garlic and ginger is also technically called for, but do whatever you can. I had minced garlic, but only ginger powder, so yeah. Make it work.<br />
I'll have it cook on high till the chicken is done, then shred the meat, adjust the seasonings, and serve up to eat with naan I bought at Wally's. :)</div>
bekahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09648168191469472011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281640357256992913.post-69100235171995875982014-04-29T18:32:00.000-07:002014-04-29T18:32:47.738-07:00cheesy zucchini marinara<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Cheesy Zucchini Marinara<br />
<br />
Ingredients:<br />
Small zucchini<br />
Marinara sauce<br />
Garlic salt<br />
Butter<br />
Mozzarella cheese, grated<br />
Parmesan cheese, optional<br />
<br />
Don't feel like being weighed down with spaghetti or any other carby pasta?<br />
Try this once. I swear it's yummy. But only if you're honestly in the mood for veggies.<br />
Peel a small zucchini, all the way or just in stripes.<br />
Saute it in a small bit of butter until it gets soft. A dash of garlic salt does good right about now.<br />
Add some marinara sauce. I used a mushroom kind. (I love fungi.)<br />
After all of that gets steamy, stir in a wee bit of shredded mozzarella cheese. Moderation or obsession; it's your call. ;)<br />
As soon as it turns melty, serve it up into your vessel of choice.<br />
Shake some grated parmesan cheese over it for some extra goodness and amazing flavor.<br />
<br />
You're welcome.</div>
bekahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09648168191469472011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281640357256992913.post-25361173646375560812014-03-28T23:30:00.000-07:002014-03-28T23:30:24.927-07:00what a (late march) day.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Hung towels on the clothesline with the husband's help. It was the perfect day for it.<br />
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Early afternoon helping my best friend of more than ten years and her husband and bebe boy start to move in just down the road. Even five years ago I wouldn't have even dreamed of such a thing happening. Three, even. It's strange, wonderful, bittersweet somewhat, and stunning how everything changes in just a few years.<br />
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Satisfaction for my ocd tendencies created by cleaning all their mirrors and windows. (Yes. I know.)<br />
Found recipes for and made the best battered and shallow-pan fried fish tacos (tilapia) with a reportedly 'copycat long john silver's' baja sauce. I may have outdid myself, according to the best husband in the world.<br />
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Starting the fifth season of Gilmore Girls. Can't believe I'm almost through them all.<br />
I just heard rain outside. It started falling softly against the side of the house as I washed off a honey mask in the otherwise quiet.<br />
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Ah, the evenings of a wife of a weekend nightshifter.<br />
This really was a good day though.<br />
Even though it was my older sister's twenty-seventh birthday and I wasn't able to hug her and celebrate it in person; the husband and I had an hour of silence and thoughts of how to mend a misunderstanding which ended in very good making up (we both process arguments and misunderstandings quite similarly); and the kitchen still smells like fish and oil even though I sprayed a peppermint essential oil/water as a natural type of febreze.<br />
This day was pretty fantastic.<br />
Not in the always busy, always going places, always doing new amazing important things, but in a down to earth, enjoying basic, wonderful things kind of way.</div>
bekahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09648168191469472011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281640357256992913.post-23004942916577620982014-03-09T20:42:00.002-07:002014-03-09T22:55:17.588-07:00in which i write about sibling bonds.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Saturday, March 8, 2014<br />
6:35pm<br />
<br />
"you know something, baby? we tell ourselves we're happy, when what we really are is content.<br />
contentment is nothing but the conviction that things are 'good enough,' and we let our fear convince us that if we try to make them better, we risk losing everything. well, i don't believe that, sara. <br />
we tell ourselves the only reason to make a change is because we're miserable. but change is the natural order. the people who realize that and embrace it, they're the ones who discover real happiness."<br />
- runaway saint<br />
[lisa samson]<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>in which i write about sibling bonds</i></span><br />
what have i been thinking about?<br />
<br />
what is true for me right now? what is real? what matters? what am i learning? what hurts? what makes sense?<br />
<br />
living six hours away from your family can be hard.<br />
<br />
it took a few months (i think 5?) for the missing to really seep in. <br />
<br />
i reveled in the sudden room to breathe, the change of pace, the newness of everything that my husband and i had just opened the door to.<br />
<br />
and then one day, in the beginning or end of november, either when we were leaving from visiting and celebrating lyddie's 13th birthday or when caleb and rachel were leaving here after thanksgiving and some wonderful and terribly unfortunate events (caleb getting sick and justin sleeping out next to the couch to help him when he woke up throughout the night while rach, jacklyn and i slept in our master bedroom), then one day, i realized: i miss my siblings. (i miss my parents, too.)<br />
<br />
my siblings are growing up and changing and becoming wonderful, hilarious, awesome individuals. we understand (or are coming to an understanding) for the place the other is coming into.<br />
<br />
all the years of bugging each other and fights and bruises and yelling and shoving and homework races and immaturity have given way, slowly, day by day and then year after year, to a wovenness that we seemed to have woke up to, because suddenly i have no clear memory of the changing, but it appears blurred though definitely changed when i look at the tracks behind us, from childhood until now.<br />
<br />
we've hurt each other; on accident sometimes, on purpose other times.<br />
<br />
we've celebrated with each other, stayed up late nights discussing current life things with each other, been angered at each other, laughed with each other, talked through easy things and hard things and worrisome things and laughable things with each other.<br />
<br />
what do i want to say about siblings and the bond we share?<br />
<br />
i wish i could easily tug the phrases and meanings out of my soul and write them in a way worth being stunned by; the rare resounding of truly good writing involuntarily bringing that loud, beautiful tone up in your soul as well, like the simple piano prelude for a favorite song.<br />
<br />
i wouldn't trade any one of my family for anything. i cannot imagine my childhood, and my life as a whole, growing up without a single one of them.<br />
<br />
i'm just so, so very thankful that i grew up with those people. so thankful for who they are and their presence in my life. i truly wouldn't be the same without them.<br />
<br />
i wish i could blame my loss of more words, better words, on the fact that i gave in to sleep at 4:30am and woke up at 10:15am. that could easily be a legitimate excuse for it all, no? weird, terrible sleep hours?<br />
<br />
yeah nevermind. (i tend to be an insomniac to a slight level when justin works night-shifts a couple nights a week.)<br />
<br />
on another note, growing up so close in proximity and then bond-wise, here's a very odd, heart-stretching concept that we're all waking up to: that life was not necessarily, for every single person and every single family, meant to be lived in one town or one county or one state. dreams and purpose do not kill the love; the love grows the dreams and purpose that erupt after the right amount of years has elapsed for each human being. <br />
<br />
the grace we have for one another, the tough love, the encouragement and nudging forward we have given each other through the teenage years and to this day, those things and the heart we have for each other is what waters the seed that resides in every soul, unique all to their own in all, and that grace and heart and courage we have for each other places that seed in an open, freshly tilled, spring-season field sometimes. <br />
<br />
i wish i could perfectly, 100% of the time, express my heart to them so they would know that just because i can't be there to spend time with on any whim, or because i'm so, so far from being excellent at communicating and initiating it. time can only teach us these things. our importance to others. it's a deep, sticky subject. <br />
<br />
on yet another note:<br />
have you ever tried to think of an idea your mind finds amazing yet scary? something you might someday want to do, but maybe not? but maybe yes, and you're just going to wait until the perfect, over-prepared, well-thought-out time to do so and pursue it?<br />
<br />
do that thing. <br />
<br />
sure, wait a little longer if you need to summon courage.<br />
<br />
but do that thing. <br />
<br />
it grows the heart. it grows the trust in our Maker and the thrilling and unknowing one day turns into beautiful lessons that introduce us to new worlds and new points of view. it grows the capacity for feeling, for seeing, for wondering what else you can try in this life before we all reach the end of it.<br />
<br />
i'm not speaking this out of the been there and done that experienced mindset.<br />
<br />
i'm writing these things for my heart, to see it in black and white ink and reassurance, that earth shaking and things like change, and those terrifying and excited emotions, are good things, and usually precede things worth pursuing.<br />
<br />
maybe it's something that will most likely hurt, but hold so much meaning that you can only hope to grasp the very beginning of at this time.<br />
<br />
your soul knows this. <br />
<br />
your soul knows where you need to go to find space and freedom to stretch into the pain and depth and light, and suddenly there's slowly a transforming coming about that happens as slow and yet as sure as breathing.<br />
<br />
pain is beautiful when it leads you to something perspective-growing.<br />
<br />
it's so hard to think of that above phrase as a good thing when you're in the middle of times that are especially rough...but it's still true.<br />
<3</div>
bekahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09648168191469472011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281640357256992913.post-65545245822715963082014-01-21T17:00:00.000-08:002014-01-21T17:05:20.312-08:00what to do on a bad hair day.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
tuesday, january 21, 2014<br />
<br />
ok this is getting weird.<br />
<br />
i get the urge and lines in my head to start writing at the same time two days in a row? WEIRD.<br />
<br />
anyhow.<br />
<br />
what to do on a bad hair day --er, should i say "a bad hair, don't care day".<br />
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because really, in the winter, there are those days --regardless of length of hair, am i right?-- where you just don't want to mess with it. you don't want to put any effort into it. and maybe that's just me this morning because i woke up, showered, brewed coffee, and got the motivation to work out. bicycle crunches, pushups, etc. then i downed a glass of water with a bit of acv in it, and 5 minutes later my had-been empty stomach is feeling the nausea. i took that as my cue to pour a cup of coffee. :P it calmed it, of course. coffee's in my blood or dna or something. maybe that last line was redundant. that's ok with me.<br />
<br />
so about these bad hair days...<br />
<br />
what to do, what to do? <br />
<br />
summon motivation and want-to? nah. just push it behind your ears, don't worry about brushing it (i know i don't; but then again my hair is barely to the shortest bob stage; growing out a summer pixie hairdo takes time, people), don't worry about gel. i mean, who are you going to see today? eh, don't answer that. it's a question for me. the house is neatened once again, shower and coffee and cozy clothes are taken care of, laundry is even started, and after the husband leaves for work i'm heading to my father-in-law's house to watch a chick flick with some sweet sisters-in-law. :) The Vow, if you were wondering. <a href="http://yubnubcafe.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Jen</a> hasn't seen it, and she really needs to. hahah. we're going to go hug our husbands tight when they get home from work later. <br />
<br />
bad hair, don't care. i truly don't today. i'm tempted to put a hat on it and just call it a day.<br />
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i mean, with growing-out hair (i know, i know; it's my fault, it was my choice to get it chopped), what can you do on a bad day? with longer hair, you can finger comb it back into a ponytail and you're done. everyone does ponytails. no one knows unless you tell them you're having a bad hair day. but with short hair that's growing out and not even past your ears yet? you can't even <i>do</i> anything with it sometimes. i might be paranoid or over-thinking it, but come on. everyone can tell when you're having a bad hair day with not-quite-long-enough-to-call-it-a-hairstyle hair. :P<br />
<br />
patience is a virtue, i guess. it's humbling to have nice quality hair but not being able to help the style as it is in the present moment. you have to live with it and let it go. heheh.<br />
<br />
20 minutes later, here's my update. i got up from my cozy place cuddled on the couch with this laptop, poured myself another cup of coffee, and set about to pampering this thing at the top of my body. my head, of course. coconut oil to moisterize for those winter-induced dry spots. gel in my hair to guide it a bit. headband to keep it out of my face and behind my ears. i might even go so far as to add some basic makeup to this blank canvas.<br />
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<br />
happy january 21st. <br />
<br />
(when will winter end? please say beginning of march.)</div>
bekahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09648168191469472011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281640357256992913.post-28315267952035867792014-01-21T16:48:00.001-08:002014-01-21T16:48:10.668-08:00what to do in the morning when your husband has yet to wake up.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
monday, january 20, 2014<br />
<br />
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i'm about to enjoy my second mug of JOY diva-nilla coffee from ben and martha (christmas gift). i've already showered, brewed a pot of coffee, cleaned the kitchen, neatened up the living and dining rooms, and even dusted the entertainment center and t.v. stand. they're both dark colors and haven't been touched by a dustcloth in probably 3 months. i'm not a dusting kind of woman. dusting's for the birds. but once every 3-4 less-than-full-moons, i'll take a damp cloth to the sorry little thing. dust gets gross after a while. i can't stand walking by it once it gets super noticeable when you put a dvd there, remove it, and there's a clear scuffmark in the dust. um. gross.<br />
<br />
anyhow. to the subject at hand.<br />
<br />justin has yet to get up.<br />
<br />i've learned slowly --not in the first few months, but over the last one or two-- to let him wake up mostly on his own time. especially on mondays, when he is sleep-recovering from having been up for 24+ hours. in the first few months of being married, i would try all my morning-person ways of waking him. kissing him. bouncing on the bed. tickling him. pulling the covers off. <br />
<br />but then i learned (not a fast realization at all) that he wakes up much slower than i do on a daily basis. :P hah. and he also seems to need more sleep than i do. go figure. well, i can't say that. he works 4 long days a week. i do, in a different sort of spread out way. housewifery stuff, you know. i'm my own boss. my own slightly ocd boss.<br />
<br />so what does a wife of almost 8 months do in the afternoon/morning when her husband is sleeping?<br />
<br />well, i would highly suggest giving in to looking at the webcam photos from your best nannying job ever. you know, the one with the 3.5 month old mostly-bald, easygoing cutie? hahah, that one. and just because your fertile/babyfever times of the month usually only last 4 days, don't think you're past accidentally stretching this time into more than a week. :P looking at baby pictures of your husband will do that to you. flowermama (<a href="http://thoughtsnwhatnots.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">thoughts & whatnots blog</a>) confirmed it's not an odd thing to get the worst baby fever ever when seeing baby pictures of one's spouse. cray-cray feelings of wanting to reproduce and see what the sweet bebes would look like are absolutely normal.<br />
<br />anyhow.<br />
<br />totes click on that photo folder. enjoy. feel your heartstrings tug and your breath catch at the sweet smiles shared in the pictures between you and the little one. savor the annoying-enjoyable feeling of your ovaries wanting to explode.<br />
<br />yep.<br />
<br />now go get another cup of coffee.<br />
<br />stare at more of those pictures. the cutie gets bigger, your hair gets longer and you see bad hair days and good hair days and take note of them; the cutie has yet to grow any hair to speak of. but the adorableness is undeniable. the good-naturedness of the kiddo is apparent.<br />
<br />you remember your night owl tendencies colliding with his sometimes too-short naps; the copious amounts of coffee ingested to carry you through another 6 hours.<br />
<br />but those other moments...the moments rocking the tired wee person to sleep, and that first moment when you walk into the room after you hear him waking on the baby monitor, that moment as he looks up to see you and smiles in that sweet, perfect way that fills your heart and the whole world with enough sunshine and love to melt the thoughts of tiredness and all the matters on your mind for a little while...those moments are logged with indelible ink on the soft, hard-working walls of your heart, no matter how many years you've seen.<br />
<br />the journeys of our hearts in well lived lives are mostly the same. <br />
<br />there are hard journeys of mourning the empty space in this world left by an early-passing beloved. <br />there are the thrilling journeys of finding one's love and looking forward to the rest of your life by their side. there are the hiccups, disappointments, frustrations and walls that your run into on that path...and sometimes you learn how to scale the walls, while other times you have to walk on tired feet to find the end of the wall and trek around it in years of hard work and wearied determination. finding the one whom your heart feels at home in, that is a beautiful journey of loving.<br />
<br />then there's the journey of growing a portion of your together-love and together-life; bringing a small, fresh soul into the world, and sharing the joys and sadnesses and loves and wonders and pains of life with them.<br />
<br />we want to share life with people, no? we don't want to be alone. we don't want to be forgotten. so we bring our combined love into the world, in the form of another life to love and learn from and grow older with. <br /><br />(i walked away from this writing to do something, and got caught up in other stuff so i didn't make it back while i was still in the certain mojo to keep writing on it. my apologies for the lack of a better ending.)</div>
bekahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09648168191469472011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281640357256992913.post-23362894934892540832013-12-31T21:17:00.000-08:002013-12-31T21:17:03.604-08:00thoughts about 2013.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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2013 was the year i started a nanny job i loved (for a sweet 3.5 month old boy whose birth i attended as birth photographer).<br />
<br />
it was also the year i said goodbye to that job. it was a pretty sad day when i rocked him to sleep and laid him down for one of his mid-day naps for my last time. :\<br />
<br />
2013 was the year i planned an outdoor wedding, with some special people, to a pretty amazing guy. <br />
<br />
2013 was the year i got married. (only 7 months ago.) :)<br />
<br />
2013 was the year my hair had grown out almost to my shoulders for our wedding, and i got it cut pixie-short again just a few days after the wedding...2013 was also the year i started growing my hair out (again) in august...and it's going to be for good this time. for a while. i know i love short hair, even two times in a row, and i might go back to it someday (like...when i'm a mom? i don't know.) but i'm so ready to have messy buns and ponytails and braids and length to play with a little. :P i miss it so. <br />
<br />
2013 was the year we drove to kentucky to buy a second vehicle with great gas mileage--a cute little car off craigslist (from a really nice, considerate guy), a geo metro in great shape and made the same year i was born.<br />
(hah. hah. hah.)<br />
<br />
"I learned some hard lessons about friendships and that some need to be let go, and some you need to fight to the death for."<br />
via <a href="http://michellesncheese.blogspot.com/2013/12/2013.html"><i>michmash: 2013</i></a><br />
<br />
2013 was the year i moved 6 hours away from my family, and joined my husband to make our home here in southern illinois.<br />
<br />
2013 was the year i started running. also, the same year that it got so cold (and icy, and snowy, and hey, i've been sick off and on so heck no to the question "don't you want to persevere and go running anyways?" ...hahah. heck no. i can't wait till the spring though. no promises to myself or anyone else that i'll get back to it on any and every above-freezing day...) <br />
<br />
2013 was a super hard, super good year. filled with so much goodness, so much hard stuff, things to grow through and learn from, and quite a bit of bittersweet.<br />
<br />
2013 was the year <a href="http://miraclesdontbreakthelawsofnature.blogspot.com/"><i>my old blog</i></a> fell quiet and i started a new one. this one. :) <br />
<br />
december 31, 2013, i got to stand next to my husband and watch the ball drop in new york, along with most of justin's family and a couple friends. we kissed as the first part of north america stepped into the first moment of the new year. (i really like that tradition. a lot. after being "long distance" through the beginning of our friendship, dating, and engagement, i cherish getting to be by his side even moreso.)<br />
<br />
i'm looking forward to this new year ahead of us.<br />
<br />
time to start writing 2014 at the beginning of my journal entries...</div>
bekahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09648168191469472011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281640357256992913.post-34668913059557406732013-12-30T19:48:00.005-08:002013-12-30T19:48:51.711-08:00cardamom bread.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span class="null"></span><br />
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<br />
<i><span class="null">Cardamom Bread</span></i><br />
<span class="null">(via Sharla:) </span><br />
<span class="null">Sift together:</span><br />
<span class="null">4 cups flour</span><br />
<span class="null">2 tbsp yeast </span><br />
<span class="null">3-4 tsp cardamom</span><br />
<span class="null">1/2 tsp
salt</span><br />
<span class="null">2 cups sugar</span><br />
<span class="null"> </span><br />
<span class="null">Heat: </span><br />
<span class="null">3 cups milk</span><br />
<span class="null">1/2 cup melted
butter</span><br />
<span class="null">1/2 lukewarm water</span><br />
<br />
<span class="null">Add to the above wet ingredients: </span><br />
<span class="null">3 eggs</span><br />
<span class="null">Beat and add to milk mixture</span><br />
<span class="null">3-5 cups flour</span><br />
<span class="null">Add more flour til dough
is of good consistency. Let rise 30 minutes to an hour. </span><br />
<span class="null">Separate into 4 parts for loaves. Cut each "loaf" portion into pieces for
braiding with 3 or 5 parts. Place on cookie sheet and let rise till
double. Glaze top of bread with egg wash. Sprinkle white sugar and/or
almond slivers over top. </span><br />
<span class="null">Bake at 350 for 20-30 minutes or till done to
preference.</span><br />
<span class="null">Enjoy! :) </span></div>
bekahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09648168191469472011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281640357256992913.post-68677921587294489992013-12-10T19:37:00.000-08:002013-12-11T08:48:19.249-08:00thoughts on marriage.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
i'm listening to the goo goo dolls right now, around 9:19pm on this fantastic tuesday night on december 10, 2013.<br />
i had this post in my blogger drafts from an early november day when i needed to rant in a direct way addressing things a few people had told me in the pushy, know-it-all, affirmative style that some have when a 22 year old newlywed like me says we're waiting to have bebes. oh yeah. like you, being just several years older than me, are showing any more happiness or readiness for that season than someone my age.<br />
ahem.<br />
anyhow. this is not meant to be a rant anymore, but rather a compilation of my personal, unique loves and paragraphs of gratefulness for the goodness to waiting a little while before stepping into that huge life season. i'm so thankful for all that God is showing us in the quiet and settling and remaking our mindset about life and people and grace.<br />
onto the main writing, though. i edited it, so be thankful. (lol.) <br />
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<br />
i really like being married to my best friend. we've been married just a little over 6 months. i'm thankful it's just him and me, having a go at life, figuring things out together, making time for family and hobbies and downtime on his weekends.<br />
back in the first few months of marriage (when baby fever was the strongest), i took a good look at life and myself and decided i wanted to start and learn something that would be worth it in the end; something i didn't ever really think i could do before --it was an <i>impossible</i> thing, too challenging.<br />
something constructive, good for my health, something i never dreamed i'd take up.<br />
thus started my journey of running. cousin andrea encouraged me, and now so does <a href="http://www.kbsquaredblog.com/">kelsey</a>, a fantastic lady i met through blogging. <br />
<br />
now, halfway through the first year of being married to my wonderful guy, i'm so glad we didn't choose to start a family quite yet.<br />
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<br />
<i>i am learning that marriage is something to be cherished,</i> and <i>grown into every day.</i> i have so much free time and energy to place on us and who we are right now. the kinks or frustration that crops up sometimes with different decisions to be made, whether financial or family wise. i know a baby will add to the frustrations and the joys, but right now i'm thankful for this <i>just us </i>time. (i love kids, i love babies. don't get me wrong at all!) we won't be <i>just us</i> again till we're old and getting touched with gray and then, bam, we'll probably have grandkids coming along after that..<br />
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<br />
i am learning that in marriage, while there is room in this present moment of <i>our</i> particular lives, i have the privilege of stretching into a skills that i never thought i'd acquire.<br />
gaming. i'm slowly turning into a nerd. i love leveling up. i love health and power potions that i find and craft as an elf in The Lord of the Rings: War in the North video game.<br />
my efforts truly sucked in the first few weeks of trying to game, but he watched as i learned and grew and i gradually adjusted and became less stressed as moving my thumbs on the ps3 controller became easier for my brain to understand.<br />
i'm also super thankful for justin's strong tendency towards story and character-led games, not focusing on numbers and stats and crazy suspense and zombies and guns only. i like his brain and philosophy regarding the whole video game thing. i like it a lot. (any of you who ever meet him and/or get to ask him about video games and all that jazz, you'll know what i mean.)<br />
<br />
thus ends my thoughts on this so far.<br />
maybe i'll write another post at the year mark.<br />
maybe.<br />
:)</div>
bekahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09648168191469472011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281640357256992913.post-27301414947573244452013-12-10T14:13:00.000-08:002013-12-10T19:01:28.408-08:00my first real post: what i've learned.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
they're mesmerizing:<br />
the wet wisps of fog swirling up from my coffee cup --zapped in the microwave because i let it cool earlier on accident; forgot about it...<br />
i've been remembering why i liked ramen noodles when i was a kid. (i know, not the best thing to remember...)<br />
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<br />
i've been drinking a lot of coffee.<br />
i've been cleaning our house, enjoying weekends with justin, and cleaning the house again when he leaves for work.<br />
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<br />
i've been sleeping in late with my husband (mostly due to his cray-cray work schedule), enjoying sleep and downtime and life with him.<br />
i've been learning more about the best friend and lover i married, and
he's turned out to be more unique, giving, fun, kind, dramatic, grace-filled, and
wonderful than i ever knew before.<br />
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i've been savoring this season we stepped into a little over six months ago.<br />
i've been thinking about the blogging situation --and the reasons (both imaginary and logical or real) why i should or shouldn't or don't want to or can't.)<br />
i've been wishing for wi-fi over at our little rented house, but instead of spending $50 every month on it quite yet, we're saving for a most-likely-going-to-happen 1st anniversary trip to Portland, Oregon.<br />
i've been beyond excited thinking about it, sketching out mind plans and saving internet links and writing notes in a notebook.<br />
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<br />
i've been running these past few months; learning to pace myself on the country roads in my pink and grey Merrell's, growing to learn to love the burn in my muscles, growing into a habit, pushing myself past the comfort of speed walking.<br />
i've been taking up handwork in the evenings, fibers in all colors giving the imaginative-creator part of my heart small sparks of joy.<br />
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i've learned today that i really like red nail polish and clear coat, my husband's green t-shirt, these $5 noir-wash White House Black Market jeans i found at goodwill the other night with justin, before the sleet and snow hit our southern illinois country road.<br />
i've learned that it feels good to create, it feels good to sit on the kitchen floor with two other women and talk about what we find important and enjoyable, it feels good to savor ordinary moments with the special humans i get to live this life with, whether i see them once a month or once a week.<br />
i've learned that it is highly under-rated to spend time with people who encourage you in your unique life story, people who let you be yourself simply because they accept and love you for the you that you not only can be, but tend to be. <br />
i've found that it's not only easy to let those people in because of the freedom and kindness they give your soul, but it starts to develop in you an ability to encourage and love on them more sincerely.<br />
<br />
this is what my life has been comprised of lately. </div>
bekahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09648168191469472011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281640357256992913.post-37088592441665715102013-10-24T12:48:00.004-07:002013-12-10T14:54:39.970-08:00kale-sausage-(baked)-potato soup.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
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<span style="color: #0b5394;">this is my view of the foggy, turning-to-fall surroundings from my kitchen window.</span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394;">a couple weeks ago, i wrote this post.</span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394;">so yeah. here goes...copy...paste! ;) read on.</span><br />
<br />
i just made the best soup ever.<br />
the soup mood sprung itself on me.<br />
i've
been planning on making this soup for the last two weeks. i even bought
a nice bag of potatoes last time we were at aldi's, rinsed and cut them
and put them in freezer ziplocs because i knew i wouldn't get to it
with summer weather trying to come around again one last go here in
southern illinois.<br />
<br />
fun times, i tell you.<br />
<br />
today
has been a day of waking up late (a result of staying up late because
justin gets home at 11:30 from work on two of his workdays), brewing
coffee that i set up last night, drinking said wonderful brew, kissing
the husband before he went off to work, and then pulling out journals
from 2008 and up, looking for a journal to end in 2011. it's for a
project i've been contemplating ever since then.<br />
maybe sometime i'll write more about it.<br />
<br />
but more about this soup.<br />
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what i used:<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li>most of a tube of pork sausage (originally a 16oz tube)</li>
<li>half a bag of carrots, sliced</li>
<li>1-2 white onions, diced</li>
<li>half
a carton of aldi's organic, low-sodium, free range chicken broth (hey,
it sounded fantastic, and it was a fantasticer price. so i got it.)</li>
<li>two
huge handfuls of kale (i buy the big, $2.50-3.00 bag of non-baby kale
from wally's, for awesome salads mostly, but yay for it already being a
regular in my house now for this recipe too.)</li>
<li>3-5 potatoes worth of halved/diced potatoes</li>
<li>2-4 cups whole milk</li>
<li>1/2 cup all-purpose flour</li>
<li>half & half</li>
<li>salt</li>
<li>cajun seasoning</li>
<li>olive oil</li>
<li>butter</li>
</ul>
<br />
directions:<br />
put
your potatoes in a pan, drizzle olive oil over them, sprinkle them with
salt, and i also used a bit of cajun seasoning to give them more flavor
and kick to bake with. put those in the oven and set it to 350 or 400.
depending on how much time you have on your hands to wait on them to be
done.<br />
bake until they are soft for your fork to go into when you test them.<br />
<br />
cook up the sausage in a covered saucepan on medium-high.<br />
i
pulled the sausage apart with my fingers first, because i had it in the
fridge for the past day or two waiting for the perfect chilly day to
make either eggs, a quiche, or this soup with the sausage.<br />
brown the sausage. <br />
<br />
next, with a slatted utensil, take sausage out of the pan and put it in a bowl on the side.<br />
dump
your diced onions and sliced carrots into the sausage grease. cover,
and saute on medium-high for a few minutes until the carrots are turning
brighter orange, and the onions get translucent.<br />
throw in your two or three huge handfuls of kale. i know it looks like a lot, but it will wilt and cook down. don't worry.<br />
cover and turn down to medium.<br />
<br />
whisk together 2 cups of milk and 1/2 cup of flour.<br />
put a tablespoon or two of butter in your soup pot on medium-high. (watch closely so it doesn't get too dark.)<br />
once it's sizzling, pour your milk/flour mixture in, and whisk till it starts to thicken.<br />
add a little bit more milk to thin it out, but keep whisking.<br />
after
it thickens a little bit again, pour in a cup or two of chicken broth.
or three. i had half of a 32oz carton left of my chicken broth, and i
dumped it all in to up the amount of creamy broth going on.<br />
keep whisking. once it's heated up, pour your onion-carrot-kale-sausage-grease mixture in.<br />
mix it up, and pour maybe a half cup of half & half in.<br />
turn
the stove top down to medium-low. (you don't want the soup getting
browned, hardened, or burned on the bottom while it heats.)<br />
<br />
test a spoonful of the creamy broth part of your soup. <br />
season to taste. add a dash of salt if it needs it.<br />
add cajun seasoning to the soup if you want more than the zip of it on the baked potatoes.<br />
<br />
add the sausage to the soup.<br />
when the potatoes are done baking, add them to the soup.<br />
mix it all up.<br />
let it heat on low or medium-low until it's hot enough for your liking.<br />
serve it up, and enjoy!</div>
bekahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09648168191469472011noreply@blogger.com0